Nemko calls it the Traffic Light Rule. He says it works better when talking with most people, especially with Type A personalities, who tend to be less patient. In the first 20 seconds of talking, your light is green: your listener is liking you, as long as your statement is relevant to the conversation and hopefully in service of the other person.
But unless you are an extremely gifted raconteur, people who talk for more than roughly half minute at a time are boring and often perceived as too chatty. At the second mark, your light is red. Nemko says that following the Traffic Light Rule is just the first step in keeping you from talking too much.
Do you talk to clarify your thinking? Whatever the cause, filibustering is usually a conversational turn-off, and may result in both of you deteriorating into alternating monologues. And that certainly will do little to move the conversation or your relationship forward.
Goulston writes that the next step is to determine why you talk so much. Some people babble out of nerves, attempting to self-soothe while chattering. Still others have never been taught the fine art of asking the right questions that will draw the other person out, and then staying quiet while they answer. The question is: Can we withstand the pressure to speak?
But wait in the silence—no matter how long—until someone in the group speaks. And they will then continue to do the work necessary to lead themselves.
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Best of shopping Premium Membership. In the know quiz. Lifestyle Relationships Why people talk too much, and why it's a problem WHAT you have to say isn't as interesting as you think. More from relationships. YOU talk too much. More related stories. It's also costing us our credibility and our relationships. People who go on and on and on appear to undervalue others' contributions, lack curiosity and self-awareness, and seem self-absorbed and even nervous.
Whether you see yourself in one of these--or all ten--here are three strategies to help you talk less and have more impact:. Chances are you have some blind spots about your communication strengths and development areas. Find a few trusted colleagues to give you honest, helpful, specific feedback. Ask them to let you know when they see you making helpful contributions to the conversation, and when they experience you as talking a lot without adding much value.
The term "bottom-line" traditionally refers to the last line on an income statement, where you know at a glance whether the company turned a profit or a loss. In communication, bottom-lining means saying what you need to say in as few words as possible. It's the core of the message, the essence of the story, or the headline--like "profit" or "loss"--without all of the details.
Ask yourself: What's the moral to this story? What's the core meaning I'm taking away? What's one point do I want people to take away? Most of us are great at advocacy and light on inquiry.
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