Negative enquiry: this technique seeks out criticism aboutyourself in close relationships by prompting the expression ofhonest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use ifeffectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarifyyour understanding of those criticisms, use the information if itwill be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative.
Negative assertion: this technique lets you look morecomfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personalitywithout feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces yourcritics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, butnot apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agreewith hostile criticism of your negative qualities. An examplewould be, "Yes, you're right. I don't always listen closely towhat you have to say. Workable compromise: when you feel that your self-respect isnot in question, consider a workable compromise with the otherperson.
You can always bargain for your material goals unless thecompromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. An example of thistechnique would be, "I understand that you have a need to talkand I need to finish what I'm doing. So what about meeting inhalf an hour?
Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application iscontextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in allsituations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may beperceived as an act of aggression by others.
There's also no guarantee of success , even when you use assertivecommunication styles appropriately. Editorials » Business Resources » Communications ». Assertive communication - what is it and why use it? So why use assertive communication? Disadvantages of assertive communication Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may notapprove of the views you express.
But it IS about choice Four behavioural choices There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about whichstyle of communication you can employ. These types are: direct aggression: bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant,opinionated, and overbearing indirect aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous,insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, andapologetic assertive: direct, honest, accepting, responsible, andspontaneous Characteristics of assertive communication There are six main characteristics of assertive communication.
Most Popular. Top 10 Telephone Skills. The Benefits of Peer Coaching Groups. Every time you visit, you notice dishes in the sink and laundry on the floor. Instead, you just invite them to your house, since you feel more relaxed in your own clean space. I feel stressed in messy spaces, and that distracts me from enjoying your company.
Would you be willing to do dishes and laundry and clean up a little before I come over? That would help me feel more comfortable. They want you to be comfortable and agree to tidy up a bit. Though assertive communication often takes more time and consideration than passive or aggressive communication, this extra effort is generally worth it in the end.
Here are some key ways passive communication benefits you and your relationships because:. By communicating assertively, you can express emotions clearly and use these feelings to guide boundary-setting in any relationship.
Creating firm boundaries, and reminding others of them when necessary, helps you maintain control in potentially challenging situations and reduces feelings of resentment and frustration. If honesty really is the best policy, then assertive communication is the way to go. Passive communication often leads to white lies or lies by omission. Even if you do this to spare their feelings or prevent conflict, they may have a hard time trusting you again. Aggressive communication, while not dishonest, can frighten or alienate others, which can also damage trust.
Instead of passively agreeing to take on more work, you spoke up about your existing workload. Maybe you could have completed everything to your satisfaction, but probably not without plenty of stress. Passive communication keeps you from stating your needs and sticking to your boundaries. This usually leads to stress, resentment, overwhelm, even burnout over time. Instead of supporting you, they might leave you to handle things on your own.
What if you gave the friend who wanted to date your roommate an aggressive response? That would be terrible for me. But if your friendship does end up suffering due to them dating, your frustration might grow until it explodes into a huge fight.
Annoyance toward them and yourself, for not speaking up often leaks out in passive-aggressive behaviors — slamming doors when you notice your friend and roommate together or making sarcastic remarks. Communicating assertively can do wonders for your self-esteem and increase satisfaction in your relationships. These techniques can help you get used to speaking up for yourself. Some people who have no trouble making opinions known to loved ones might struggle to advocate for themselves around new people.
Perhaps you feel confident sharing your thoughts with your romantic partner but communicate more passively with other people. Identifying these areas can help you take the first steps toward a more balanced communication approach. Taking some time for self-discovery can help you get more in touch with your feelings. If you struggle to name them, try paying a little more attention to your internal experience each day:.
In essence, when you're too passive, you give others the license to disregard your wants and needs. Consider this example: You say yes when a colleague asks you to take over a project, even though you're already busy. The extra work means you'll have to work overtime and miss your daughter's soccer game. Your intention may be to keep the peace. But always saying yes can poison your relationships. And worse, it may cause you internal conflict because your needs and those of your family always come second.
Now consider the flip side. If your style is aggressive, you may come across as a bully who disregards the needs, feelings and opinions of others. You may appear self-righteous or superior. Very aggressive people humiliate and intimidate others and may even be physically threatening. You may think that being aggressive gets you what you want.
However, it comes at a cost. Aggression undercuts trust and mutual respect. Others may come to resent you, leading them to avoid or oppose you. Now consider passive-aggressive behavior. If you communicate in a passive-aggressive manner, you may say yes when you want to say no. You may be sarcastic or complain about others behind their backs.
Rather than confront an issue directly, you may show your anger and feelings through your actions or negative attitude. You may have developed a passive-aggressive style because you're uncomfortable being direct about your needs and feelings. What are the drawbacks of a passive-aggressive communication style?
Over time, passive-aggressive behavior damages relationships and undercuts mutual respect, which makes it difficult for you to get your goals and needs met.
Being assertive is usually viewed as a healthier communication style. Assertiveness offers many benefits. It helps you keep people from taking advantage of you. It can also help you from acting like a bully to others. Learning to be more assertive can also help you effectively express your feelings when communicating with others about issues. People develop different styles of communication based on their life experiences.
Your style may be so ingrained that you're not even aware of what it is. People tend to stick to the same communication style over time.
But if you want to change your communication style, you can learn to communicate in healthier and more effective ways. Remember, learning to be assertive takes time and practice. If you've spent years silencing yourself, becoming more assertive probably won't happen overnight.
Or if anger leads you to be too aggressive, you may need to learn some anger management techniques. If despite your best efforts you're not making progress toward becoming more assertive, consider formal assertiveness training. And if certain issues such as anger, stress, anxiety or fear are getting in your way, consider talking with a mental health professional. The payoff will be worth it.
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